07 Revising and Responding

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Page 049 from Write on Course 20-20

Revising for the Traits: Ideas

Remind students that ideas are, by far, the most important trait to address during the revising step. And emphasize that they must ask these three questions about their writing when they revise for ideas:

Have I stated a specific thesis (focus) about my topic?
Do the details support the thesis?
Have I included enough details to make my ideas clear?

Ask one student to read the excerpt before the changes and another student to read it with the changes. Use the side notes as a guide when you discuss the changes.

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Writing Process Revising Strong Ideas

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Page 050 from Write on Course 20-20

Revising for Organization

Be sure that students understand the four organization-related questions on the page :

Are my ideas properly organized, based on the purpose and form of my writing?
Does my writing form a meaningful whole, with effective beginning, middle, and ending parts?
Have I used transitional words or phrases to connect my ideas?
Do I need to reorder any information?

Ask one student to read the excerpt before the changes and another student to read it with the changes. Use the side notes as a guide when you discuss the changes. If possible, share with students a first draft that has organizational issues and ask them to suggest revisions.

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Page 051 from Write on Course 20-20

Revising for Voice

Be sure that students understand the concept of voice. Refer them to pages 18 and 20 in the handbook for more information. Also refer to other writing samples in the handbook to help students identify voice (serious and straightforward, light and entertaining, etc.). Be sure that they understand the two voice-related questions on page 51:

Does my voice fit the writing situation (purpose, audiences, subject, type)?
Does my interest in the topic come through in my writing?

Ask one student to read the excerpt before the changes and another student to read it with the changes. Use the side notes as a guide when you discuss the changes.

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Page 052 from Write on Course 20-20

Revising for Word Choice

Be sure that students understand the three word-related questions on the page:

Do I use specific nouns and verbs?
Do I use colorful modifiers when they are needed?
Are my words well chosen for the writing situation (subject, type, purpose, audience)?

To help students understand what is meant by specific nouns, share with them these sets of words. Tell students that specific nouns are the final ones in each set. (Consider asking students to create their own sets of nouns like these.)

woman	monument	food
writer	national monument	snack food
Lois Lowry	Statue of Liberty	popcorn

To help them understand specific verbs, share with them a general verb such as looked, and then share more specific synonyms, including surveyed, glared, observed, spied, and inspected. (Consider asking them to identify more specific synonyms for general verbs such as run and laugh.)

Then ask one student to read the excerpt before the changes and another student to read it with the changes. Use the side notes as a guide when you discuss the changes.

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Writing Process Revising Precise Words

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Page 053 from Write on Course 20-20

Revising for Sentence Fluency

Be sure that students understand the three sentence-related questions on the page:

Are my sentences clear and complete?
Do my sentences flow smoothly?
Have I varied my sentence beginnings and lengths?

Also refer them to the “Creating Sentences” chapter (pages 79–90), which will answer many of your students’ questions about writing effective sentences.

Then ask one student to read the excerpt before the changes and another student to read it with the changes. Use the side notes as a guide when you discuss the changes.

Consider sharing this strategy for checking the effectiveness of the sentences in writing.

Underline the first part of each sentence. (If too many sentences start in the same way, change some of them.)
Count the number of words in each sentence. If too many of them are the same in length, combine or rewrite some of them.)
Circle “be” verbs (is, are, was, were). If there are many “be” verbs, change some of them.

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Page 054 from Write on Course 20-20

Revising Checklist

This page encapsulates the key questions to ask when students are ready to revise their writing. Have them turn to this page when they are ready to revise their next first draft. Consider implementing this activity:

Find an interesting article in print or online. Or use one of the writing samples in Write on Course 20-20. Review the text using the checklist as a guide. List two or three changes that you would recommend.

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Revising Checklist

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Page 055 from Write on Course 20-20

Revising with Partners

Establishing a supportive community spirit in the classroom helps students grow as writers. Setting aside class time for peer responding helps build this supportive spirit.

Read and discuss the guidelines on page 55. During your discussion, ask students to share their peer responding experiences. Share this Mark Twain quotation: “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too can become great.” Ask students how these words can apply to peer responding. (Possible response: Insensitive comments can be very hurtful and dissuade writes; whereas, positive feedback can encourage them.)

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Writing Collaborating

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Page 056 from Write on Course 20-20

Responding with Comments and Using Tact

Read and discuss “Responding with Comments.” Then share with students the comments below. Ask students if each one is helpful or unhelpful.

Reader-Writer Comments

I didn’t really have much time to work on this. (unhelpful)
I need some help with my beginning. (helpful)
I don’t really like this paper that much, so I bet you won’t either. (unhelpful)
See if you think this argument is convincing. (helpful)
This isn’t finished yet, so don’t expect it to be that good. (unhelpful)

Listener-Responder Comments

That was great! (positive, but unhelpful)
The phrase “stretched like a rubber band” helped me understand how you felt. (helpful)
Could you describe your aunt in more detail? (helpful)
Your paper is short. (unhelpful)
I never knew that sharks could blink. That is an interesting detail. (helpful)

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Page 057 from Write on Course 20-20

Responding in Writing

The next two pages include two sample response sheets students can use to form written peer responses: a specific response sheet (page 57) and a general response sheet (page 58).

Have students read this essay (or one of your own choosing) and respond to it using the specific response sheet.

A History of Chess

Do you know how to play chess? If so, you are one of millions of people who have learned the game over the ages. The game of chess has been around for many centuries, and from all indications, it will continue to be around for many more.

It seems that chess was originally invented in India sometime during the fifth century. During the next 100 years or so, it spread to Persia (a kingdom centered in modern-day Iran). Soon it spread to other Arab groups or kingdoms farther west, and from there, it was carried to Europe sometime around the tenth century. It became very popular during the Middle Ages.

Chess has gone through some changes from time to time. For example, during medieval times the bishop and queen were much more restricted in their movement. Our modern rules for chess come from the seventeenth century. Given that they have not changed for nearly 400 years, it is unlikely that they will change in the future, either. It would seem that chess rules have reached a point of stability.

Under the current rules, there are so many possible combinations of moves that there is no need for change. Of course, with close to 1,500 years of polishing, it isn’t surprising that the game is so good.

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Page 058 from Write on Course 20-20

General Response Sheet

Have students read this brief sample (or one of your own choosing) and respond to it using the general response sheet.

The Mysterious Figure

It was raining. I saw the figure sneaking around the corner of the building. The figure was tall—almost six feet, I thought, though it was hard to tell from my hiding place. The figure was carrying a package, holding it tight. I didn’t want to get too close. It started raining harder. The figure opened a huge black umbrella and then rounded the corner. I could not even catch a glimpse of the person’s face. But I could see tall black boots and a long black cape. Just after the figure rounded the corner, I heard a shriek. Then a cat whisked past me.

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