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My First Home Run

Assessment Model Print

Good Personal Narrative

This sample personal narrative shares a memorable moment playing baseball.

Title: My First Home Run

Level: Grade 4, Grade 5

Mode: Narrative Writing

Form: Personal Narrative

Completed Rubric: My First Home Run Rubric

Blank Rubric: Narrative Rubric

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Student Model

My First Home Run

Have you ever felt so proud that you were about to pop? I have. It was during my first baseball game. It was the last inning. The bases were loaded and there were two outs. It was my turn up at bat. Even though I had weeks of practice I still couldn’t make contact with the ball. So I picked up my bat and helmet and said to my bat, “Bat, don’t fail me now.” Then I trotted to the plate. “Swoosh!” went the first ball. “Strike!” called the umpire. “Please let me hit the ball,” I whispered. While waiting for the second pitch, I remembered how it all started.

When I was six, I tried out for my first baseball team. We had to stand in forty degree temperatures, which I call bitter cold! At last I heard the coach call my name. “Ben,” said the coach, “first you have to go to the plate and bat the ball. Then you run the bases.” So I did. The only problem was I ran in the wrong direction! At least I still made the team.

When I went to practice I loved it. At first we warmed up by playing “Ring Around the Diamond.” That’s where you hit the ball as close as you can to first base. Then you knock it as close as you can to second base, and so on. That was to warm up our targeting up at bat. The only problem was, I couldn’t even make contact with the ball no matter how hard I tried. Boy, was I frustrated, and so was my team.

When I heard the umpire call, “Strike two!” I came back to reality. I knew my team was counting on me because we were behind by one run. The pitcher wound up and threw the ball. I swung as hard as I could. “CRACK!” I opened my eyes and I realized that I had hit the ball clear out of the ball park.

As I ran around the bases everyone was cheering. When I crossed home plate my team ran out to greet me. We jumped and danced around because we had won the game! I was so proud I was about to pop!


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