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Area Man Teaches Ways to Check for B.O.

Assessment Model Print

Okay Satirical News Story

In this satirical news story, a student reports on a daily event as if it were nationally newsworthy.

Title: Area Man Teaches Ways to Check for B.O.

Level: Grade 11, Grade 12

Mode: Writing Basics

Form: Satirical News Story

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Student Model

Area Man Teaches Ways to Check for B.O.

Body odor, or B.O., is a common problem, especially for high schoolers. Every body should try not to smell by taking showers and using deodorent. Sometimes, though, you can't help it, for example if you have just had gym class on a hot day or you had garlic bread for lunch or you got nervous on a big test. Still, you should figure out how to check for B.O. without letting everyone know.

An area man teaches ways to check. For example, he teaches the breath test. He cups his hand in front of his mouth and breathes out and then tries to quickly breathe in his nose to smell if it stinks. You can learn that just by watching him during second hour, which doesn't have any girls he likes in it. During third hour with Lisa Krenzke, he teaches a more subtle way. He sneezes into his sleeve and lets it dry. Then he lays his head on his arm and sniffs. That's how he knows if he has bad breath, or B.B. Then he knows if he can talk to Lisa close and loud or only far away and quiet.

He also teaches ways to check his pits. In second hour, he does the old fake yawn with his arms up and then moves his head to the side to sniff. Again, you can just learn that one by watching. But in third hour with Lisa Krenzke, he does that sneaky move from SNL. He crosses his arms with his hands under his pits and then pulls out his fingers and lets them dry. Later, when no body is looking, he sniffs his fingertips. That's a real smooth way to find if he has armpit odor, or A.O. If so, he keeps his elbows by his sides like he's wearing a box.

One of these days, he maybe will ask Lisa Krenke to go on a date. Then he'll need all his B.O. checking moves. At the movie, he'll maybe do the one where he pretends to yawn and then puts his arm around her shoulder. That would be his greatest move.

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