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Teacher Tips and Answers

Editing Promotion Essays

Revising makes big improvements to your writing while editing focuses on little (but important) corrections. You'll look for problems with sentences, punctuation, capitalization, grammar, usage, and spelling. The following activities will help you edit your promotion essay.

Editing to Vary Sentence Beginnings

The most basic sentence starts with a subject and tells what happens to it:

The woman ran across the street.

Notice how plain the sentence is? One way to make sentences more interesting is to vary their beginnings. For example, you can begin a sentence with a word, phrase, or clause.

Word

Frightened, the woman ran across the street.

Phrase

Without pausing, the woman ran across the street.

Clause

Because she was frightened, the woman ran across the street.

Vary sentence beginnings.

Rewrite each choppy paragraph, varying the sentence beginnings by adding a word, phrase, or clause. (You don’t have to vary every sentence.) Make a copy of this Google doc or download a Word template.

  1. Our school auditorium is too small, dark, and unpleasant. The auditorium leaks when it rains. The chairs are uncomfortable. People don’t enjoy coming to our concerts. More people might come if the auditorium were bright, clean, and comfortable. Students would enjoy performing more. It is clear we should build a new auditorium.

    Our school auditorium is too small, dark, and unpleasant. When it rains, the auditorium leaks. Because the chairs are uncomfortable, people don’t enjoy coming to our concerts. If the auditorium were bright, clean, and comfortable, more people might come. Also, students would enjoy performing more. It is clear we should build a new auditorium.

  2. The kids in our neighborhood are often bored, and they need a safe place to hang out. They go to the fast-food restaurant on the corner after school. They spend time at the mall on weekends, but these places are not always open. These places don’t provide interesting, constructive activities. It would be a good idea to open a sports and recreation center in the neighborhood.

    The kids in our neighborhood are often bored, and they need a safe place to hang out. After school, they go to the fast-food restaurant on the corner. On weekends, they spend time at the mall, but these places are not always open. They don’t provide interesting and constructive activities. Opening a sports and recreation center in the neighborhood would be a good idea.

This lesson is a part of the Promoting a Cause unit.

Click the title to view more information about this unit and a full list of lessons that are included.

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